I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
