i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Randomize
