when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
