Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
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