Please, let me fuck your mom
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
