Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
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