and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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