is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
