just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
