Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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