The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
I want to walk on stilts...naked
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Randomize
