I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
