just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
