she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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