First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Randomize
