I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
