My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Randomize
