It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
