You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Randomize
