Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
