are you so shy because you have an std?
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Randomize
