Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
