When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
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