look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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