I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Randomize