I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
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