So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Randomize