I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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