Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
