I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
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