don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
I'm too high and old for this...
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Randomize
