Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
You smell like a Billy Joel song
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
3pm strippers are depressing
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
