This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
