omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
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