you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
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