It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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