Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
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