Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
