OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
