He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
Randomize
