can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
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