Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Randomize
