Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize