im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
We are all done wearing pants today
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
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