i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
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