I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
