Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
