I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
found the other keg... it's in the tree
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
Houston, we have a squirter
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Randomize
