im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
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