that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize