I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
