All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Send help, water and tortillas.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
After tacos, we're chasing women.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
