Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
I love you.
Bad choice
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
