I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
