He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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