"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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