A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
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