dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Randomize
