You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
I deserve this hangover.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize
