I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
