My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
