I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
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