you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
