Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
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