sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Randomize
