so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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