Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
