i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
