No awkward lesbian experiences without me
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize