drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
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