"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
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