Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
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