He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Randomize
