I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Randomize
