I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize