enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
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