They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
