YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
mondays should just be called national damage control day
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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