Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Randomize
