She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
I am never drinking with the goths again.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Randomize