my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Randomize
