how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
