Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
apparently the secret to your success is patron
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
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