He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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