I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
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