He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
