I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
Can Purell be used as lube?
Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
