Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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