I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Randomize
