What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize
