When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
